AllAboutMe

Last entry.

2005-10-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

Same as Sha, this will be my last entry here. I'm not going to delete this blog but I'm also not going to write any entry in here. Pardon me.

Really many thanks to a lot of people who listened to my grumbles and complains all the way. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. The next time I'm feeling sad, it will no longer be published here and no one will know about my problems too. I think it's time that Aimee grows up ya? Learn to solve and overcome problems on her own. Once, there's a person who promised me that he would not listen to my problems, but solve it for me. Sadly, it's all in the past. *imisshim*

I think there's nothing left much to say already. Goodbye people. Thanks for listening.

I cared, I did. But I failed, terribly. I'm at a loss. Sorry sorry sorry.

I made the first attempt.

2005-10-08T13:14:00.000+08:00

I made the first attempt. But it failed, terribly. Anyway, I'm not going to try anymore, cause it hurts.

But at least I know, I tried.

Leaving it all behind.

2005-10-07T19:18:00.000+08:00

No more complains ; no more grumbles. I'm going to be happy. :)
Everything's cleared. I will be the understanding girl.

But I've been a bad girl today. I didn't turn up for work again. Argh. But .. I've got MC ! Hees. So I supposed it's all right? Next week is my last week of work. Can't wait for it to end. I promise I'll be a good girl next week and turn up for work everyday ! Hees.

Till then everyone.

Random.

2005-10-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

Random blogging. I've decided not to blog much. I think someone is reading it. But anyway, I didn't turn up for work today. Sick. But ya, Happy 18th Birthday to Cedric Tan !

I was sick, but he wasn't around. I'm disappointed. I really am. But shrugs, who am I right? So yes, through this, I see some things ; I know a little things ; and I understand everything, now. Sounds a bit crazy but whatever. :)

I've got nothing to say anymore. Byee.

Anniversary

2005-10-04T23:13:00.000+08:00

Just 4o minutes before the day end today, Happy 13 months Anniversary to US. Nope, we're no longer back together but it's just that we still feel for each other. Looking back, I think we've grown much. Senseless arguements are beginning to stop and what we have now, is for us to share our lifetime with. We learnt the meaning of tolerance and to be more understanding. There is much more than just the word 'love'. We are, going to share our lives and make it all work, at least on my side. Other than that, no comments.

Putting us aside, I'm sick today. Had a slight fever. Hopefully I'll be fine by tomorrow. But still, I don't wish to report for work. Bloody, I've got 3 ulcers on my lips and it hurts like nobody's business. Imagine talking on the phone the whole day, answering 100+ calls with those freaking ulcers. Ouch. Yes it hurts.

I'm sick and I want concern. Nobody else but his. Hmms. I think too much. Now I'm rather sensitive, just because I'm sick - I NEED the attention. Thank you. ByeBye.

*i love you yobo. wonders if you still treat this date special but it's okie. ;p
because no matter what, I'll still stay by your side, unless you find someone new on the way ..*

I'm happy.

2005-10-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

I'm happy today ! But doubt you guys would be interested. Anyway, no photos, no pictures. This blog is boring you guys right ? Haha. But I'm happy.

Everything's made so beautiful because of you. I love you so much. Remember, my yobo? *muaarks muarrks muaarks*

I think too much.

2005-10-02T21:13:00.000+08:00

.him and me.

Finally, the first image uploaded unto this blog. Simply me and him. I'm sorry this blog has been dull and boring ever since but I never meant for it to be fanciful. Anyway, a concluding sentence. I think too much into things. Maybe some things just ain't as perfect / wonderful as it seems.

Thank you-s.

2005-10-02T18:53:00.000+08:00

As I said earlier, I'm back to thank everyone for making this birthday of mine a wonderful one. :)

THANK YOU to

Family
Auntie Andeline, Daddy, My boy, My sister, Mummy

Besties
Peisi, Sharifah, Siow Qin, Yan Jun, Yixin

Secondary School
Adeline Tay, Alvin Tan, Darren, Hafiz, Hairianto, Jie Ying, Kai Lun, Kah Woon, Louis Tan, Wei Kiat (edited)

1Ho1 Mates
Anna, Chengyan, Crystal, Cedric, Cherie, Clarisse, Daniel, Huiting, Jing Jiang, Sakinah, Samuel, Say Hee, Serene, Shafi, Sui Lan, Nicole, Michelle, Xiaowei, Yuxia

I think that's about all. Really a million thanks to all. Especially him. Anyway, I finally realised what it means by spending the birthday with your someone special. The feeling is indeed magical. *muaarks

My birthday.

2005-10-02T13:52:00.000+08:00

It's been long since I updated, because I've been out celebrating my birthday. :)
Anyway, it has been good this year, really good because again, I spent it with my loved ones. First it was an early dinner at Jack's Place on Wednesday. Had mixed grill, like what he had on his birthday. Then as you guys know, something bad happened on Thursday and I was like terribly upset and filled with anxiety on Friday - which happens to be on MY BIRTHDAY. :s

After work that day, on the way to meeting him, my heart was beating like mad. I was so scared. But it turned out really well. Oh well, it's just my stupid thinking. He is still my boy. :)
He brought me to Clarke Quay, a place that I wanted to go but never managed to. Was walking around so finally settled down for dinner on a boat restaurant. The food was okay, but the company was WONDERFUL. That's because the company was my boy! Hehes. That silly, wanted to buy me a cake so we went to TCC and got a Chocolate Charlotte. It was yummy, because I shared it with him. *my yobo, I love you.* He handed me my gift and boy, it was so beautifully wrapped. I wronged him. And I was shocked because I never expected him to buy anything for me. But in any case, I really love it a lot. We decided to catch a movie and left Clarke Quay for PS. But as all shows were too late, we didn't manage to catch any. We walked down to Pacific Plaza that area and settled down in a dessert house. Yum yum, we shared a love mango pudding. It was nice. :)
After a little walking around Orchard, it was home sweet home because my boy and I were dead beat.

Yesterday, met up with my besties, namely - Peisi, Sharifah, Siow Qin and Yixin. Had lunch at Phin's. It wasn't filling at all (at least for me). Hees. Before leaving, they even headed me my gift. How sweet of them! Then, we decided to get ice-cream at Swensens. Yums again. Yixin left aftermath cause she got to go home and study for her promos. Poor girl! The rest of us left for City Hall cause Sha wanted to collect her photos at Suntec. We walked around and I got to leave for Cedric's birthday party. I think the girls went shopping after that. Haha.

I was 'late' for the meeting at Kovan. Gosh, I went Kovan for the first time and the place is like so 'out' for me. No familiarity at all. Hees. Now I finally know that some people in my class are actually reading my blog. -o.O- Took a bus and off we go to Cedric's house. Gosh, it was a 4 storey terrace ! So big ! The food was also yum yum there. Hees. I think cause it's because I was hungry. *Shrugs* The girls were busy taking photos and finally, cake cutting ceremony. Haha. The cake was big. A durian cake. Anyway, as Cedric's other friends were around also, they fooled around with him with all the birthday 'pranks'. There's shaking cream, whipped cream, etc. But cut the story short, it was our turn to 'prank' him. At the last part of the prank, I was 'pranked'. Bloody hell. I was smashed with whipped cream too ! Just because it was my birthday. Oh gosh. But after that, was a nice surprise cause my 1Ho1 mates actually bought me a cake ! Hees. Thank you so much! Hees. Really didn't expect that. Home sweet home after that, with a little of shooting here and there yet again.

It's a long entry, I realised. But I'll type in brief to thank everyone for everything. And oh ya, I realised a lot of people know about this blog! Maybe him too. Please people, leave me a comment can? Thanks. Till then.

*Thank you so much my boy for celebrating my birthday with me. I was happy, because there was you. This birthday, on the day itself, was magical and wonderful, because of you. Anyway, I don't think words can actually express my feelings about how special it was just being with you. I just want to tell you I love you so much too. This birthday was made special because I was with you and you made it all possible. :) muaarks*

I miss him.

2005-09-29T19:08:00.000+08:00

I miss him badly. I want to talk to someone badly. Too bad, no one is free to entertain me. Why do I feel the loneliness now? Is it because he's no longer going to be with me? Sigh.

We're over.

2005-09-29T13:04:00.000+08:00

We're over, really over. We were happy for the past few days, just in case people didn't know. But because I did not keep my promise for certain things, he finally made up the decision that we'll never get back together. That decision left me crying till today. Why did this happen? When it's so near my birthday? My only hope was dashed. But sigh, I can't blame him can I? I'm nobody to. When a relationship fails, both parties are at fault.

Anyway, he has decided to move on but I don't know why, I'm still stranded here. Yes, we're meeting this Friday to celebrate my birthday but I'm still deciding. Imagine the last meeting on my 17th birthday. I don't want to cry in front of him but I did yesterday, so I'm not going to let that happen on Friday.

I told him a lot of things yesterday and I really meant all of them. Such private stuffs shan't be disclosed here ya? It's between me and him I realised. Nobody could help. And right here, I would really like to thank all of you for listening so much to my grumbling everytime. Pardon me, because this is my channel to say every thing that I wanted to say but can't. And ... It's All About Him. Oh well.

I don't know what to write anymore. Even words can't express my feelings now. I'm just hurt, very hurt. Typing this entry hurt so much, crying as I type.

PS : A lot of things that I wanted to type in this blog, I didn't manage to. Sadness overwhelmed me so I forgot what I wanted to say. But in any case, don't talk to me about relationships stuff.

I love you so much my dear. I really miss you so much. Although every word that you said hurt me a lot a lot, I know that you mean them. Yes, you're going to move on ... But ... Wo She Bu De Ni ..

Me to him.

2005-09-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

I'm missing you so much. I want you so badly to spend my special day with me. Will you be able to make it? You're my baby boy, sleeping so tightly now. No matter how sacrastic you are [like I am] no matter how rebellious you are, you are still MY BABY BOY. I miss you so much. I really wonder ... Is it because my birthday is coming, that's why I'm missing you so much? *wo hen xiang ni, ni zhi dao ma?*

Argh. I can't take it anymore. I miss you. I want to see you. Bleah. I think I'm heading off to bed, just in case I think more and miss him more. I MUST stop myself. He might want to move on ... right?

I'm really missing him.

2005-09-26T18:21:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired now. But I'm missing him so much. Ever since yesterday, I've been missing him a lot. I just spoke to him on the phone. He sounded really weak. I'm so worried about him. Anyway, I doubt he can take leave this Friday. Sigh. I thought he could make it, because he said he could. I was really really disappointed. But well, who am I to ask for his company? I'm just his friend.

Gosh, I really miss him a lot. What should I do? Thankfully, I have PizzaHut to keep me away for a while. Till then, my baby boy is sleeping soundly now. :).

I love you so much and I'm really really missing you bad. I really want your company so badly on Friday. Think you should understand how much it means to me right ? *hughugkisskiss*

Something about me.

2005-09-25T13:03:00.000+08:00

Hmms. I've done abit of catching up with my old mates and realised that sigh, relationship really hurts. Or rather, love hurts. Sigh. But don't worry girls. Cheer up. Everything will be so fine in the end. :)

I'm really missing him a lot. But I'm telling myself not to. I won't think about him or any stuffs regarding us. The minute I get back into that mood, I'll get myself busy. I will succeed in not thinking about him. Cause I think, sooner or later, he'll find someone new. I should prepare myself to stop thinking about him. :s

I've got nothing to update, just that my life is as boring as usual. Sigh. I want to write the things I want for my funeral, can? Haha. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LOUIS TAN ! See, I remember his birthday! Even though he doesn't read this blog but heck ! Haha. Till then people.

I really really miss you a lot ...

What does my birthday means?

2005-09-24T14:10:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: September 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.
You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.
You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.

You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.
You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.
Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.

There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.
You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I'm back.

2005-09-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

Oh great, after so long, I'm finally back. 4 days 3 nights of class chalet. It was fun. Hees. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SAKINAH PRETTY ! She turns 17 today. Woo. And it got me thinking, 1 more week and it'll be my turn ! Haha.

Okie, back to serious stuff. I'm upset now, because I saw my exam results and you know what, damn it ! There's no 'A' at all ! So sad right? Yes, I know it's pathetic. It's me la. And My Cumulative Grade Point Average obtained to-date is 2.67. How lousy is that ? It's upon 4 okie ? And what's more worse is, it's only the 1st year in polytechnic - supposed to be easy !!! Sigh.

I think I'm done. I really lazy to update about chalet. If there's one thing to mention, I learnt Mahjong and I tried Corona ! Haha. That's all folks. I'm leaving. I'm tired. I think the exams results just got me restless again. :s

*And I miss you so much. Even though I dread the ending of every call, I still want to hear your voice and thank you for the call last night. I felt assured. :)*

Happy

2005-09-19T18:14:00.000+08:00

I was happy from yesterday until just now. I was happy because I saw him yesterday and he bought an earring for me. Awww. So sweet rite? Yea, I know. :)
Haha. That really really made my day. I'm so easy to please right? Hees. But to me, it wasn't the value neither was it the look of the gift that made me happy. It was his thoughts, his intention. Because he bought for me that, it shows that he loves me, he cares, he still thinks of me. I simply love him to bits. Nothing's going to change my love for him. Whees. I'm happy because my sweetie still loves me ! :D

Anyway, I'm heading off to chalet just in few hours time. Just came back for work. I don't think I'll be back till Thursday ? Hopefully.

I'm missing you ever so badly. Thanks for everything. I love you so much. You're forever my love and and and.. my soulmate ! *muuaarks

Updates.

2005-09-17T20:26:00.000+08:00

Hmms, guess it's been long since I last updated ya? I was rather busy and all, so tired somemore. Sighs.

Anyway, he found out about my buying of the jacket because of my very stupid mouth. He tricked me and i let the cat out of the bag. Damn. And ya, he called me that night to thank me for the jacket and all, then we chatted for quite long. I'm meeting him on Sunday. I'm excited, I'm scared. I don't know what he's going to tell me on Sunday. I wouldn't want to get back to my emotional state. God, Sunday is coming !! What is he going to tell me? Argh !!

Okies, I'm heading out soon to ton at Harbour Front. :) Terry Fox Run tomorrow and we got to assemble at 6.20am at Harbour Front Bus Interchange ! How early is that ? So, my class is going to ton outside ! Haha. Tired day tomorrow. Then meeting him at night. :s.

I really miss him much.. AwWwww. *muaaaarks.

I miss you.

2005-09-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

"Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right;

And though I can't be with you tonight ;

You know my heart is by your side."

I miss you so much. The above is for you. Although I don't show, you still mean a lot to me. I miss you lots lots. Still love you as much.. MY BOY..

Back for updates.

2005-09-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

Okie. I'm back for updates. Hees. Today I'm kind of happy because he called me ! :D
Am I a fool ? Oh well, even if I am, I don't care! My own world of fantasy is good enough for me. Haha.
Hmm. Work's as usual today. I'm getting more used to the job as days goes by. Even the way I talked on the phone now is like answering a call from the call centre !

After work, headed off to town to meet Sakinah. Was supposed to meet up with Sha but something cropped up on her side. (No bad feelings girl ! I 'pang seh' you so many times before also! Haha!) So nice of Sakinah to meet up with me in town, to help me shop for a Stussy jacket for him. THANKS GIRL ! :)

I bought the Stussy jacket for him already! Hees. It was something that he wanted and also need. I don't feel the ache spending the money but rather, the joy. :) Anyway, it was the last piece! Ain't I lucky? Haha. These few days, I've been fretting on how to get the jacket passed to him. A lot of alternatives were going through my head. First, his friends - Wk and Alvin. Then, Sha (Because she left something with him, so can use it as an excuse.) Third, his brother (Because we are friends too. Haha.) And one even more ridiculous one - using Singpost parcel services. Haha. How dumb can I get. In the end, I got it passed through his brother's girlfriend. Much Thanks to Mich and Kevin! (I know they wouldn't be reading this, but heck!) And also, THANKS to all who tried to help. Hees. Yes, I mean you, you and you. :s

Oh ya, one more thing before I end. He doesn't know that I bought him the gift. I'm 'allying' with EVERYONE, yes, that means you, you and you again! that the gift was not bought by me. I CANNOT let him know that the gift was by me. So please, whoever you are reading this, if you know him, don't tell him. Especially Wk. Thanks a lot. I don't want him to feel anything. In actual fact, since I'm working now, I have the income. He loved the jacket so much! I know he's working also but I also know him - He wouldn't bear to buy that jacket for himselves. So, I'm buying him something he like and want and need! :D Call me stupid, foolish or whatever. But I am happy. :D

All right. I guess that's all folks! I'm so looking forward to next week, my class chalet. Hees. A week of fun. But after all that, it's Boring, Boring. See you.

I had a bad dream.

2005-09-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

I just had a bad dream. A horrifying one which got me crying. Gosh. All right, here's how the dream goes.

I was lost in Japan and I asked for help everywhere. None could help me bacause they all spoke Japanese and they ain't willing to help at all. Then, I went to ask around, who is Singaporean, something like, are there any Singaporeans around? Finally, a man came up to me. He said what can I offer to him if he helped me. Because I was penniless, I showed him all the possessions I had in hand. He took some of it and helped me. Thereafter, I couldn't recall what happened but he is a JERK. That's because, he not only wants the money, but also me. Bloody Guy. No man is kind on earth. F***ers. Then I faster took my documents and ran away from him. Surprisingly, I didn't know how I landed up in one place - which I just did. I asked around again, any Singaporeans around but none willing to admit. Thank God,a President or CEO of some company came up and helped me. He gladly helped me called back home to Singapore and even sponsered my air ticket back to Singapore, with absolutely no obligations. What a nice man he was! Anyway, that was the end of the story. Ask me why I cried in the dream, I don't know. Perhaps I was really petrified by the man earlier, who wanted to take advantage of me and also the fact that I was left all alone in an unknown country.

The first person that I wanted to contact in the dream was him. So when I woke up in tears, I called him immediately. Guess what, I was 'kapped'. Yes, yet again. After 2 times I think (I was still sleepy sleepy mode), he picked up and said, ''What?'' So I said I had a bad dream and all. I was like crying to him while I said it but he just said "It's just a dream." Shrugs. Then we hung up. After a while, I was really scared so I sent him an SMS, asking him if he could help. No response. Then it occured to me that perhaps, he no longer wants contact between us. I needed to make it sure. So I called his mobile again. Yet again, I was 'kapped'. I was 'kapped' until he switched off his phone. Out of desperate, I called his home. Thank Goodness he answered.

Yes, again, his reaction was ''What? I'm busy." That sentence was hurting for me. Seriously. But I didn't want to upset him, assuming that I made him angry by 'ignoring' him. I realised that he thought that the dream was a small matter and we're just friends. I shouldn't call him for such minor stuffs. I apologised and told him some stuffs which I really meant it. I didn't know if he heard it anot because he was 'busy'.

Well anyway, I'm really hurt by this matter. Perhaps that the dream was really a minor one and I'm just one stupid childish girl crying over the dream and to think that he'll still be there. Okie, he might be right because my sister was also awoken by my 'cryings' and she too said, "Cry for what?" I think I'm really childish in this issue. :x

I'm hurt by the fact that he 'kapped' my phone which he wouldn't in the past. He made it clear that we're just friends and I accept that. I know what to do. I will not call him in future [hopefully] and note the fact that we're just friends. But I told him that I regarded him as family nonetheless. No matter what, I will not leave him. Just that in this short period of time, until he has cooled down and is willing to contact me again, I will not call him ever again. Hopefully, I can control my emotions well. Don't want to show that I'm that desperate also.

Okie, to some of you who are wondering, HE doesn't know this blog. So please, unless he finds it out by himself, I wish to keep it in wraps because I don't want him to think that I purposely wrote all the 'mushy' stuffs to declare to the whole world how great I am or what. Bleah. I am not doing so - This is an avenue for me to vent all my frustrations, to pour out all my feelings because I can't tell him so now. Those who keep in contact with me personally knows that I don't show my feelings out to gain sympathies or whatsoever. :)

It's been a rather long entry and to end everything off, I would like to clarify that he is still a sweetie. And once again, I stressed that he's a nice guy and any girl, would be attracted by him because I got attracted. It's just that our status now is just friends and because of that decision I made, that got him so pissed at me. But all in all, he's a very nice boyfriend and is an eligible bachelor. Haha. Because I still love him to bits.

An unpleasant way to end off the day. Guess we'll no longer be in contact with each other for quite some time until he decides to call me back again. By the way, did you guys notice all my entries talk about him? (>.<)

Work and work.

2005-09-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

Hmms. I worked today again. It was all right, just that before I left, there's this lady which kept perstering me. Bloody Hell. But anyway, I passed the phone to my colleague and left. Oops.

Tomorrow is another day of working and boy, I'm so tired from today's work. Sianzation. Nothing much to blog about, since my life is so boring. But I'm so looking forward to our 1Ho1 Class Chalet ! Hees.

I'm missing him so much. No calls from him since yesterday. I called him yesterday and 'sorted' things out. Nope, he's no longer mad. :)
I prefer now, where there is no calls. In this way, I can love him and shower him care the way I want. I'll be missing him every moment and lives in the illusion that he still loves me a lot. (>.< )
At least, I have the illusion that we're both still in love and be in a world of my dream world, just me and him. No Bitches or anyone to rob us of our happiness.

I miss you so much. Stay healthy and happy. That's the forever most important thing. All I want to see you is being a better person. :)
I love you badly too my boy, but just in case I don't blog for the next few days, I miss you badly and I love you lots lots.Every day, every minute, every second- just like how you said it would be if it was true love. *muaaarks

I'm thinking

2005-09-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Things ain't working well between US. I tried ignoring him but it doesn't help. Now he tells me he hates me and is angry. How? What I am supposed to do? I've decided that ignoring doesn't help any longer. Gosh, I'm really sad and I'm a lousy lousy girl. I cried again just now. Bloody freak.

He doesn't understand what I am doing all this for, he doesn't know how I am feeling ;; Because he doesn't know this blog, because I did not tell him so. Let him misunderstand me. As long as he gets on with his life, find someone who can appreciate him, love him, take care of him much better, why not ? I'm not trying to act noble here. All I know is I really want to see the happy him again, at all costs.

And about our problems, I would like to thank a lot of people for helping US. ;; Wk, Alvin, Sha, Crystal, Sak ;; I really want to thank all of you for being there and listening and giving advice and all. Especially friends of his. I did not know that our relationship is worth so much to all of you, who saw it through us and know that we were meant for each other. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL. Even if now, we will never patch back together, all of your help still matters a lot. :)

I'm missing you so badly. Sorry that I made you angry. I really want to see you happy. I thought by ignoring you, you would move on and be happier. No matter what, I'm still staying by your side. I will be by your side, just a call from you.

Exams are over.

2005-09-11T15:38:00.000+08:00

Exams are officially over. Sorry for the delay. Anyway, I've already started work at NTUC Income. Goodness gracious freak. Working as a telemarketer can easily get you heart attack. Haha. That's because, every call that you get asks you different questions and some times, you'll unexpectedly get the weirdest question ever. O.o

After work, I headed down to Fraser Place for an interview. Cedric was with me on our way to CityHall. Then he suggested that I take a cab from Dhoby Ghaut. So heck, I listened to him. Ended up I spent $6.50 from DG to MS Road, which is like so freaking near. Goodness. Heartpain. Starting work on 17-o9-o5. $5.50 per hour. It's only trying out. So most probably, I would not be working there for long.

Enough about working stuffs. Let's talk about US. Hees. We went out yesterday. Had a wonderful day with him. I simply love him to bits. Sadly, behind this nice day, I already had something in mind which might hurt him lots.

I've decided that from today onwards, every calls that he call, I'm not going to answer them. Pardon me from being heartless but everytime I answer, I'll feel so hurt. Knowing that no matter how we are going to be, we're going to be nothing more than just friends and that he got so many girls outside for him to flirt with.
But, it doesn't mean that I love him no longer okie ? I must make myself clear. I'm doing this in order for him to move on and find someone new. Someone much better than me who loves him much more and take care of him much better. :). I don't know if it is a stupid move, by having this facade to him that I don't love him anymore and that I'm going to move on without him. But in any case, I'm going to do so. I'll continue to 'look after' him from my own small world while he can move on with his life. Isn't that good? Sigh. Relationships are so hard to understand.

All right, I've got nothing more to say. All I can say is, I really miss him much. I know that he loves me alot still, but it's just that both of us need time to sort everything out.

I'm missing you. I'm loving you. I'm not going to move on or leave without you.

How you are in love?

2005-09-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.

You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

I'm still sad.

2005-09-09T01:07:00.000+08:00

I'm still a sad girl. The emotional state still have not gotten over in me. Day started off bad. I was with crystal at Tampines Bus Interchange and saw Grace Loh. Damn sad and distracted. The way she was wearing, I felt so inferior. I have that feeling that one day, she'll get together with him. I only have one word in my mind for her. The "B" word. Smart people should know what.

Anyway, in school for MicroEcons paper. It was ok, no comments. I don't want to think about it. Lunched at Design School. Bloody. It's all for Shafizan I think. Humphs. Afterwhich, me, Clarisse, Cedric and Shafi proceeded to City Hall - NTUC Income. They went to try their luck for job and they got it. They'll be working with us tomorrow.

Then, I rushed off back to Simei for my Eye Appointment. Bloody hell. I waited and waited, end up I have to fix another appointment because the place is just so packed! And I couldn't wait any longer because I've got to sit for a paper later 7pm. Headed to Tampines CS CoffeeBean to meet up with my classmates.

I studied for a while, then had a really light snack - Delifrance Chicken Pie. Exams went on all right once again. Left the Exam Hall earlier because I couldn't stand the heat any longer. Everything was fine and happy for me until he called me. Bleahs.

Sigh. He was at Alvin's house and called to ask about my exams. I said it was ok, then told him that I saw his Grace today. He was like, Oh. He went on to say, she's here now at Alvin's place too and also Gab. Bloody Hell. Both of them are super close lar! Look at the Friendster. Besides Grace, there is also this Gab. But I'm not that pissed with regards to Gab because she has a boyfriend. I don't understand, why is Grace so close to him. I feel so so so so damn jealous. This girl sixth sense tells me that Grace likes him. No wonder, he's so nice as to help Alvin with his art work. Now I know.

I'm really pissed. Frustrated. I don't know. Mixed feelings I guess. He calls me everyday and tells me he wants me to be his closest friend. But why? When there's such a girl right beside him, so much better than me. I'm not the one closest. She is. I'm so scared, to lose him. Oh what the heck, I've lost him already. I want to move on. I think Grace and him will get together sooner or later. I feel so lost. I feel inferior. I can't dress up for nuts and all. I don't have the looks. I don't have the figure. I have nothing. I feel sad. I'm an emotional girl today. :(

I'm sad

2005-09-08T02:28:00.000+08:00

I'm an emotional girl today. I don't know why, perhaps after the Friendster viewing. I cried twice today, over him, over US. Sigh. And that's the reason why maybe, I'll fail my MicroEcons and InHTM tomorrow.

I miss him badly. I miss the past badly. I regret. I want US back. I look at Jeremy, how hard he is trying to win MayChe back. I'm jealous. I read someone's nick today. It says: " Giving up is not the best thing to do, Fighting for it is. " Should I fight for my own love ? But I was told and 'rejected' so bluntly that we're going to be nothing more than friends. He told me today, he misses me. What does it mean? I miss him so badly too.

I'm so afraid of the future, without him. So lost, so blind. My heart aches, to think about him with another girl in future and the girl, will not be me. ...

So long, farewell. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm going to screw the whole thing up. I will try to stay happy and not be an emotional girl. For now, just let me continue in missing him.. and US.

I'm a happy happy girl.

2005-09-06T17:12:00.000+08:00

"Whees!" is what I can say and express.

I cleared one paper today. Yippie! FFBSci, down. 2 more to go. I'll do my best! Soon, very soon, I'll be free from studies. Haha. Anyway, the paper today was ok. Not too bad and most questions came out from Past Year Examinations. Ain't I happy and glad ? Because I did went through the paper yesterday. Happy Happy. :).

And one more extra thing to be happy about. :DD.

I've found a job. Cedric recommended it and now, I'm going to work with him at Tampines Point NTUC Income. Wakakaka. The pay is damn good, it is 50 bucks a day. I'll be working for 2 weeks as a telemarketer. Goodness, can you imagine the pay I'll get? I'm earning 500 bucks in a matter of 2 weeks. Whees. :). Million thanks to Mr. Cedric and a thousand apologies to sharifah pretty. Sorry Sorry. I said I'll go find a job with you but now I can't make it. I think I'm a loser in life cause I always always go back on my words. Especially to him. I know a million 'Sorry' doesn't help but.. Shrugs.

I'm a happy happy girl. :D. And one more thing, if you're reading my blog, please leave comments! I won't mind you reading at all because since I did not lock it, you are free to read! But please, leave comments. Just to tell me that, "Yes, I'm reading your blog."

Okie people, I'm off to study. MicroEcons and InHTM. The last two and ... I'll be starting work. Hees. See you. :)

I'm dying.

2005-09-05T22:42:00.000+08:00

Goodness gracious me. Nothing seems to get inside my head except for my special someone. I don't understand how come one can just capture your thoughts like that. Hmms.

I MUST STUDY. MUST. MUST STUDY. :x

But, oh well, TV's showing American's Next Top Model now. Hees. I'm one whole of a shit. I think Jolly Shandy got into me. Bleahs.

We met up.

2005-09-05T14:34:00.000+08:00

We met up yesterday. Studied awhile alone, then headed off to meet him at our special place; the place where both of us can only go once a year, on the 4th. I'm so glad he came. I thought he wouldn't.

Anyway, things did not turn out that nice. We still decided that we are going to be friends. Although both of us still relish a chance for this relationship and still feels a lot for each other. We are just going to be friends. The road ahead of us is too much of a hurdle and we might not be able to pass it. So, I guess 'friends' a much better term. :)

Headed home aftermath. I just simply can't get my butt down to studies. I'm dead, so dead. Tomorrow's the exam for FFBSci. Shit. And one more thing, I think I don't have much time left. Soon, after my exams, I'm going to post all my 'funeral wants' here. Please, don't think I'm joking cause I'm not. I seriously mean what I say. But it's just that people don't like and don't want to listen to me say things like that. Shrugs. I just need someone there to listen. Sadly, there'll be no one there anymore. ...

The Anniversary

2005-09-04T02:00:00.000+08:00

Today's the 4th. Last year this day, we gave each other the promise that we'll stay close to each other and never leave. I was his princess and he's mine.

This year, everything changed. We both looked forward to the 4th so badly everday while we were together. Now that it came, we are no longer together. How sad I am. I really am very sad. I want to call him bad now. But I lack the courage. What's the point of calling him? He should be out with his friends. Sadden.

I still can't accept the fact that we've broken up. Deep down, I still do relish a chance of us being back together. Just that I don't show it out. Sigh. I want him back badly. I miss him. Should I call him? Or just, let it go?

I look back at the past, so many things that we've done together. I think back about the 4th, it just seems like yesterday. I never thought the person closest to me can, in a blink of eye, be the one furthest from me. I just want him back, as simple as that. I want the fairy tale to come true. He assured me it would in the past, and I believed in him. I want to believe again. I want our fairytale back again.

It's the 4th. Happy Anniversary to US.

I dreamt of HIM again.

2005-09-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

Once again, I dreamt of HIM. I almost woke up crying. But it wasn't that bad. Just tearing. Thank goodness by a SMS. If not I'll be badly torn by it.

I don't understand. Why do I keep dreaming about him? Does it mean something? Or is it because I miss him too much, that is why I keep having him in my dreams. Well nonetheless, it wasn't a good dream.

The dream was about US, meeting once again, at the place where we promised each other to meet again. At there, he 'rejected' me once again. Indeed, I was shattered. The dream ended there because I was awoken by a SMS. I wanted to get back to that dream, so that I could know what exactly happened but I couldn't.

Shrugs, I think I really should start studying again. I haven't touch any of my lecture notes from morning till now. Sigh. I know I suck. Someone just wake me up. I NEED TO STUDY!

Testing

2005-09-03T06:03:00.000+08:00

Sorry, but I'm just testing out. My blog seems wrong. Hmms. I think I'm a real computer idiot. Ain't I ? Oops.

I lost it all.

2005-09-03T05:55:00.000+08:00

I can't move on. I lack the courage to move on.

Yes, I'm back to that emotional state. Pardon me. Let me be like this for a night. Just a night. Please.

Everytime I look back, I can't stop. I'm full of regrets inside. How badly I want him back. It is all never going to come back again. I just want him back. Why is everything so difficult? Our love started simple and pure. Why did things change till this state? Was it because of our love for each other? Or is it that like what other people say, the more you understand about each other, the less you love? I don't understand. I can't understand. Love is so complicated. No, correction. Being in a relationship is so complicated. I don't understand why is it that a simple and pure thing can become so difficult to understand and hold ?

I just want him back. I want to hold him close by my side again. Gently just hold his hands and whisper 'Laogong' to him. Why isn't all that possible? Why is it that no fairy tales come true? Why is everything so hard to comprehend? And one important thing, why did I say such anger words out? Anger words that made me lose him forever.

But even so, as I look back. If we were still together, can we be as good as before? Will he be rebellious and yet, do the same things that I don't like repeatedly, causing us to quarrel? Will we end up having a good future or be stranded like what we are now? I don't know. I really don't. Sometimes, what people say is true. Like the chinese saying goes, 'Sha ren you sha fu'. I truly agree with it. How I wish I'm also a silly girl, and I'll be blinded by all this horrible things on earth.

Love was meant to be good, sweet. How on earth did it turn to be something like this? The destruction of it. I lost the courage to move on. I lost the courage to love again. For fear that I'll be hurt like how I am now.

If only I could turn back time.

It's me again !

2005-09-03T05:09:00.000+08:00

whoos. I'm back to blogging. I'm not sure if I'll blog about US or perhaps just HIM. But one thing for sure, it is going to be perfect english for all. No short forms. Maybe some times just for fun. I just want to have fun in life. :)